What’s in a title …

“Knighted by the Queen of England, Sir Big Eyes is recognised for his many years of unfaltering effort in defending the rights of the middle class worker”. Inter-Galaxy News Report dated …

From then on, whenever anyone, anywhere in the world writes a letter beginning with ‘Dear Sir’, you know it’s addressed to you. I mean, if they wanted to address it to John, they would have written ‘Dear John’ instead now, wouldn’t they?

Perhaps being a ‘Sir’ in Britain is quite a rare finding - by rare, I mean you don't hit one when you randomly throw a stone into a crowd. But over here in Malaysia, it seems that every Datuk Tom, Datuk Dick and Datuk Harry is a Tan Sri.

For the benefit of our foreign readers, Datuk (or Dato’, or Datuk Seri, or Dato’ Sri, or Datuk Wira … the list of titles and spelling variations goes on for perhaps almost as long as the recipients list itself) are titles given by the many sovereign rulers of each state in Malaysia. There are also titles given by the Federal Government.

Once, a long time ago (and I’m not talking from experience … wasn’t even born during this mythical era), these titles were few and scarce. Being a Datuk, or the higher Tan Sri (depending on the ranking of the title, of course), would mean that you have made significant contributions to the country. And by saying ‘to the country’, I mean to the people of the country. Years and years of unquestionable service and sacrifice. You get my drift.

Yes, I am making a big fuss about this because I don’t have a title myself. Nor do I expect to be conferred a title in the near future. But that’s beside the point – you simply don’t gripe about things that you already have, do you?

So, here we have it, thousands and thousands of Datuk’s. People who would probably get offended if you don’t call them by their proper title. Again for the benefit of our friends overseas, you should always greet a Datuk by using their titles, such as ‘Hello, Datuk …’ and not ‘Hello, Mr Eye …’ When writing, the title Datuk should always be preceded by at least the abbreviation of ‘Yang Berbahagia’ (meaning something like ‘the esteemed one’ or something like that … I’m not a translator you know). Of course, there are different prefixes to different types of Datuk’s. Keeping it simple, won’t go into that.

Now where was I? Oh yes, every Datuk Tom, Datuk Dick and Datuk Harry is now a Tan Sri.

By the rate its going, that would actually be the case. No more ‘Encik so-and-so’. This is our equivalent to ‘Mister’ … I can just imagine a re-branding exercise of Mr Muscle, the cleaning product, into Encik Muscle, or going by the trend, Datuk Muscle …

I’m not lashing out to those who have in the very recent past been conferred a title by the rulers of the land. Good for them. At least they are now on par with the rest of high society. The rest of us, the minority from where I see it, will just have to be happy with people calling us by our names … apart from ‘bro’ and ‘dude’ being the regular substitutes.

But as somebody (many bodies, actually) has pointed out in the media recently, the powers that be may just want to slide off the awards pedal for a wee bit. Have a look at the titles being given out. Perhaps more importantly, to whom they are given out to. There is such a thing as being too young. Not because of the age, really, but because of the amount of contribution given to the country to deserve such an award.

Not to pick on anyone, but this is a popular example: A certain young lady of below 25 years, international acclaim in dominating a particular sport. Now a Datuk. I wonder if this was given in recognition of contribution to King and Country ... making the internationals recognise that we are actually good at someting perhaps ...?

Another current example is: A certain relatively young sportsman, almost but not quite excellent performance in an international event of extreme high publicity. Will soon be made a Datuk. Again, putting us on the sports map of second best ...

These are good people, of course. Not questioning that!

But what of the many, many aged citizens who have given their all to helping others, fighting for worthy causes. What about the village leaders who fight to ensure their villages forest reserves remain intact? What about the teachers whose students grow up leading the country … who still remember their names long after they have passed?

Bow your heads in respect, fellow countrymen. Who are we to question the wisdom of our Masters?

Perhaps we should all get back to the good old times when a Datuk was somebody you could look up to for guidance. Not merely those who shine bright in the current light of day but have yet to prove their brilliance after nightfall.

Yes, by all means their current contributions should be celebrated. But there are other awards, that don’t carry such ‘honorific titles’. There are many more awards that reflect lesser contribution to society. USE THEM!

Anyway, at least the title ‘Tun’, perception-wise the highest title a commoner can receive, is still safe from the dangers of mass production. From what I’ve heard, there are only some 25 Tun’s in the country (or was that 50, but who’s counting). If this very minimal quota has been filled, a current ‘Tun’ would have to come to pass before the title is given to another. In my most humble opinion, this treatment of the title befits the status of the award to somebody with immeasurable commitment and sacrifice to their nation.

Now, that’s what I call a Title.

Hmph ... corruption ...

Yes, I know … this is one of those topics that never seem to go away. Not with all the hype, all the articles, all the investigations. Not with anything … and surely not with me writing about it.

Just look in any of the papers these days and you will find stories on corrupt practices. Local. Abroad. The only difference is the currency used. What’s happening to the world? Or was it always like this, with people just being smarter in the past and not blowing their cover.

Of course, I probably wouldn’t be complaining if I was one of those ‘lucky’ ones who had access (or rather the opportunity) to be corrupt. What? You can’t believe what you’re reading? C’mon … honestly now, the thought must have crossed your mind at one time or another. The simple wondering of ‘I would have done the same …’

Just a wee bit to grease the joints. Make the rolling slightly smoother. In an equal position, who knows what might tip the balance. You know … those thoughts.

OK, fine. So you aren’t one of those from the majority. You are immune to worldly cravings and figments of imagination reserved for those with big eyes and small heads. I get it.

But for lesser mortals like myself (or to those who believe that the world is predominantly good, the lesser minority mortals), then the thought of living the high life without having to work for it … ah, that’s what life was meant to be like.

A steady flow if income or a one off payment. Doesn’t really matter does it? As long as the dough keeps rolling.

Hold on … now who said that corrupt people don’t work for what they get? Hmmm … interesting thought, huh?

Yeah, like being smacked on the back of the head with a baseball bat, realisation that those corrupt people actually worked to get to where they are.

And now you must be thinking that I’m pro-corruption. Oh my god, you couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m not pro-corruption at all … although I do understand (and sympathise) that sometimes it’s just a cost of doing business in this lopsided world we call home.

Back to those ‘lucky’ people who have the power to decide and get people to pay them for a job that they are already being paid for …

Working so hard to get to where they are. They sacrifice family, friends and pet goldfish. Nothing is ever enough, that’s true. Unless of course you chose to devote your life to a higher cause like saving the trees or something like that … oh yeah, religious people too. And before you even try to accuse me of equating tree savers and spiritual devotees, just ask yourself if you are in a position to reprimand me on such an innocent comment. Lighten up guys, didn’t mean any disrespect J

So now you are a high ranking official. The ball is in your court. The opportunity comes tip-toeing along … just ripe for the picking, they say. What do you do? What’s that? Just ignore it without even considering the possibility? Yeah, right!

Consider it all you want. What could be an appropriate sum for ‘services rendered’?

It’s easier to think with a clear conscience. Free of guilt. So, try not to remember all those late nights in the office rushing your butt off just making sure that everything has been done; those same late nights that your pet goldfish went to sleep alone, all hungry and sad.

And since you don’t have a conscience, then there would be no problem in deciding what course of action to take – for goodness sake, you can always get a new goldfish with those gazillions that would be made from the transaction that you … ermm .. facilitate, so to speak.

What was that? Not thinking about your pet goldfish? Oh, that son of yours who would be taken care of by his on-the-verge-of-senility gramps when the cops eventually drag you off to jail when the case gets cracked.

A matter of cost-benefit analysis I suppose. Didn’t know you could put a value on things like family and the pet monkey (hey, not everyone has goldfish you know!).

Those who do it for millions, I can at least try to understand. I said understand, not agree with nor approve … but those who do it for just a few extra bucks? (and yes, I’m so filthy rich that if the figure isn’t spectacular, then it’s just for ‘a few extra bucks’ … yeah, right …) Risk losing it all for an amount that would be gone in a week or two?

Perhaps my small head isn’t making sense of all this because I lack the cranial capacity of an over-boiled oyster, but it does make you want to re-examine some of those cases you’ve heard about recently. Doesn’t it?

Of Little Things …

You know how little things tend to bother you? I mean the really, really little things … such as a slightly depressed key on your keyboard.

Ok, stop scrolling and look at your keyboard. Any slightly depressed keys? Not the ones directly under your fingers, silly :P

Or that slight squeak in your office chair … or the annoying conversation your co-worker is having with a person with another department, who doesn’t seem to be able to understand the function of your department. Much less your role in the department.

And loudness. Oh my god. Some people just don’t know how to talk softly. They think that they are the centre of the universe and act as such. How annoying.

I’m sure everyone has had brushes with people like this. Some more than others. And I’m sure that some of those out there are actually these people. Making life more interesting for others. Yeah, right … more interesting … that’s one way of putting it.

Should there not be a law, simply to outlaw people who are of this description? It would certainly make life more peaceful, if not more interesting, for the rest of us.

All that makes the depressed key of your keyboard seem so insignificant, huh? Well, if you haven’t yet realised … that’s how life goes. There will be always be things bigger and things that are smaller than what you have … errr … yeah, I can hear the distinct ‘click’ of some reader’s mind there (and yes, it does apply to that also).

In the end … its not what happens, but how you deal with it that matters. But you already knew that :P

Of Big Eyes and Small Heads ...

Eyes see ... and heads make sense of it all. Quite simple, huh?

Not really when you have a mismatch of big eyes and a small head. Too much information gets sucked in with nowhere to go. What happens to the sucked in info you ask? Beats me.

One thing is certain though. It doesn't get put to any good use. Not in my case, at least. It just kinda accumulates ... swimming round and round in the small void right beneath the short cropping of spiky hair.

No ... my eyes aren't that big, thank you very much. And my head isn't that small. Its all a figure of speech. Wouldn't sound as cool being 'Small Eyes, Big Head' now, would it? :P

Now that we've got that straightened out, let me start writing about something worthwhile ...

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On second thought, perhaps next time.